August 19, 2005
Take that, stupid exams!
Dear Prelims, I accept your apology for stealing my summer and my sanity. I realize that I was a baby to complain so much and to worry so much and that I really wasted my own energy and mental health in over-preparing for certain things. I would also like to apologize, dear prelims, for kicking your ass. I didn't mean to beat you so quickly and to bloody your nose and split your lip and knock you down. Unless, of course, I find out that you are a faker and are really Okay and that you poison-darted me somehow and that now you win. That I have to re-take you and have only one more chance before I fail out of my graduate program. In that case, I take back my apology and promise you that the next person you face will make you cry and etc. Your tires are not safe, and I will steal all of your sugar and milk, Mr. Prelims. I'll cut your electricity when you are emailing your other exam buddies to talk about how poopy you are -- just before you hit "send." I'll put beer in your shoes, Mr. Prelims. In your shoes! Mwa ha ha ha. Mr. Prelims, stay down, sucka. Do it. Love and kisses, John