March 15, 2005

Fucked with: a joke.

Do you live in Southern Illinois? If so, did you blow your car horn at four pedestrians last Thursday? If so, that was my friend and I who put that trash under the wiper of your car, on the passenger side, so you wouldn't see it until after you left. Yes, it was us who waited for you to leave, took a photo of you leaving, put a bagel sandwich in foil under the wiper of your car. Yes, it was I taking the photos, while my co-hort stuck the food there. I won't take the credit (or blame, B.M.!) for the idea or the actually placing of said foiled food under said wiper, but now it's me telling everyone about it. Because you were an asshole. Not only is blowing the horn at pedestians illegal around here, it's unsafe (which is why it is illegal). Besides, we weren't blocking the fucking parking lot; you could have easily gone around us. The usually empty lot was really empty right before springbreak. What if you scared one of us, and we fell under your car, and you killed us? You'd feel like a real jackass then, huh? Well, you should feel like a jackass anyway. As for us, we found the thought of you on your way home, seeing a piece of food wrapped in foil stuck under your windshielf wiper, hilarious. No, we didn't scratch your piece of shit car. We were careful. No, your car can't be indentified on the net now because of these photos. Nothing actually got on your car. Chill. You were an asshole. We were assholes. End of story. When you are tempted to blow the horn at people walking again, you'll laugh your ass off thinking about that food in foil, and you'll forget to blow the horn, and that is a good thing. See, we did you a service, the world a service and got a nice harmless laugh in the process. Besides, we could have done worse, like actually damaging your car. But we wouldn't do that for you blowing the horn at us; that would have been extreme and mean and stupid. We did not do what we did in a mean spirit, nor what it some kind of revenge, "Fuck with us, and you get fucked with," kind of deal. That would not have been a joke. Neither would following you and calling you an asshole to your face. You don't even know it was us, but now you do. I know, we should feel immature and like jackasses and assholes -- and idiots for thinking this is all so fucking funny. I do feel like an asshole-idiot type dude, but I really don't give a shit. I am an immature ass sometimes, and I'm Okay with that. Anyway, my face hurts from laughing about it. Yours should, too, horn-blowing-man, if you can take a joke.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

that's funny dude

Neighbor Girl said...

John, you are priceless!

Alcarwen said...

Thank you for the laugh. hehehehe... in the midst of my studying, you made me fall off the chair laughing;-)

I needed that.

You're a public service.

Pragmatik said...

Thank you!

Stasyna said...

HAHAHA "... piece of shit car"


genius!

Sal said...

As ole Uncle Abraham used to say:

  An eye for an eye, an asshole for an asshole.

Pragmatik said...

Sal, I almost pooped myself when I read that:)
Don't worry: ALMOST.

broomhilda said...

I would call that poetic justice.

Pragmatik said...

There should be a type of poet who goes around administering revenge, a sort of nemesis-bard.
Hmm...sounds like a post topic. Or a whole new blog.
My revenger services are available in the Carbondale area and in Baltimore from mid-May to the beginning of June.