May 15, 2004
Dude, what happened to your car?
I have a very dirty mouth. I've stripped the paint from statues of the Virgin Mary with my language. I have heretofore refrained from exercising my vulgarity on this blog, and I will try to restrain myself now. I apologize if I alienate or offend anyone. Anyone except for the son of a bitch who nearly killed my 85-year old Polish grandmother, my wife and I today in the Focus. I took my grandmother out for lunch, since I haven't seen her since Christmas break. My grandmother needed one quart of 1% fat milk. We were on the way to her favorite market to get some. We were stopped and about to make a left turn. Suddenly, someone in a huge small-penis Expedition flies out from traffic going the opposite way -- who are all stopped behind a vehicle making a left turn -- and into the front and side of the Focus, hitting us hard enough to spin the car around one third of a turn. Geico was awesome enough to send a tow-truck immediately, and the car is now at the Ford dealer where I bought it, one with whom my family has had some body work done with great satisfaction in the past. I was getting my cane-weilding grandmother out of the passenger seat immediatly after the impact, and the fucking asshole who just morphed my shiny red Focus into a smoking and broken piece of metal and plastic actually hit the car again with his door as he got out of his cock-extension of an automobile. Had I not been pulling my shaking grandmother out of the wreck, I would have fucking killed him then and there, in front of the the police officer and all of the people standing around. I swear. Right there. He didn't say a word to the scared old lady he had almost killed seconds earlier. Or to me. Cock. So, to sum it all up, I am 850 miles from my actual residence, at my parents' house in Baltimore, and I am waiting to hear if my car is totalled. No one was hurt, since I lied to my grandmother (who never ever ever wears her seatbelt) and told her that modern cars won't start without the belts engaged and, since we didn't actually get to turn (in which case, we would have been side-swiped). Geico is being great about the whole thing so far, and we can get a rental car next week until the Focus is all better, which might take a few weeks. Luckily, Geico lets the work start as soon as they look at the car, not as soon as who is paying for it is settled. According to Maryland law, since I was making a left turn, I am considered partially at fault automatically. As such, Geico is going to have to pay for some of the accident (and I will have to give them $500 as my deductible). However, if the other asshole is at least partially responsible for the accident, according to Maryland law, his or her insurance company also has to pay. He should pay for the whole fucking thing. The bottom line is that this fucking 68-year old jerk-off with a huge fucking chrome brush bar on the front of his I-have-a-small-penis-SUV drove through a bus stop at an excessive speed and into my car, and my insurance company is going to have to pay for some or all of it, and then -- surely -- pass that expense along to me. My car will be in the shop for a long time, and I have to get back to Illinois in a few weeks. Some asshole drove like an idiot, hit me, took my car away for a long time, almost killed my wife and grandmother, and his stupidity and assholicity will cost me a ton of money, in addition to the heartache. That's just fucked up.