April fools.

Bush is nowhere to be found. Dickie C. thinks he is at Camp David -- in my native Maryland -- playing Halo on his X-Box. Georgie B. says he is not coming back to the White House -- ever. He saw a clown outside of the Oval Office, and this clown's name was Doint Chokona Pretzel. He told Little Georgie that he would stuff pretzels down his throat if he didn't drop out of the presidential race and concede to Johnny K. Now, Georgie B. is terrified of clowns, so he did as he was told to do. He's hiding in Camp David, and he's calling for troops to take out the clown. We think that Georgie B. is playing Halo to practice for a war with the clown. In other news, little Denny K. is missing as well. He was last seen on the Amtrak Acela from Philly to Washington wearing a scary clown costume and toting with him a huge sack of Utz pretzels. No one who is so little can each that much. Once again, President Bush has left the presidency, and we are one step closer to peace on Earth.