February 15, 2006
Let's all shoot our friends.
I would like someone to help me prove a point, that point being that members of the Bush administration can get away with almost anything. Rather, I don’t want to prove a point so much as test a hypothesis. Proving a point makes it sound like I want to be proven right. The ramifications of being right in this case border on unbearable, so I think it’s more of a hypothesis. I am a moderately strict vegetarian (no meat, but eggs and milk), and I am not exactly into hunting. Aside from shooting guns at targets being among the few manly (!!) things I’m good at, I don’t go carrying or playing with guns very often. Really, I swear. Anyway. Okay. Now here’s where I need help. I need someone willing to go hunting with me so that I can shoot them. No, seriously, I need someone to go hunting with me, and I’ll let you shoot me in the chest. I want to see if you get charged with assault, with being an irresponsible idiot, some gun charge, etc. I don’t really know much at all about The Law, but it seems like shooting someone is a pretty bad thing to do, even if you did it by accident and even if you say you’re sorry. What happens if this dude dies? Will they charge the Vice President with involuntary manslaughter or some such offense? Or will they let him go? Is there some loophole in American Law (whatever that is) that makes killing a man not a crime, just because you said (but can’t really prove) that you didn’t mean it? I’m not saying Dicky did it on purpose, but would anyone believe me if I shot a dude and said it was an accident? What happens if Dicky goes to jail? I’m sure lefty bloggers (like me, though I rarely blog about political gear) are eating this all up and hoping the old dude dies just to see what happens (not really wishing for that, though, thanks). I’m sure the righty bloggers are trying to blame this in the liberal media and those America-hating bloggers. Yeah, well, you know, Dicky was thinking about the damage that the evil liberal media and anti-American bloggers do to the greatest country on earth, and he got distracted while toting his gun around shooting things. It’s our fault he shot that poor dude. I have really fallen out of the political loop, especially after too many lazy assed Americans didn’t vote and got us four more years of Mr. Winkydoodle, so I don’t pretend I have much to add to the discussion. I try to be practical — pragmatik. So my contribution will be my experiement, for which I need your help. Let’s go out and get me shot! We can pick up a gun at Walmart, or any pickup truck in the parking lot there, in these parts. But, dudes, I’m not paying for your lawyer if you get charged. Sorry.